I'm supposed to be writing an essay right now, but my mind's a world away. I'm listening to some of my favourite songs on my iPod, film scores and all, and imagining, thinking more about the story/stories I'm writing. But then also thinking about love. Thinking about this Christmas and how last year I hoped that when this time came, I would have someone to spend it with. Thinking about how right now, there are few things I'd want more than a kiss at New Year. But one with love.
That's the thing. As much as I would like a boyfriend, as much as I crave have someone to share my life with, someone to love, that's just it. I want someone who I really love, and who really loves me back. I'm willing to wait for that. It's so easy to get caught up in the idea of someone or something, imagining things that aren't really there. I want to find that passionate, all-consuming, horrible, messy, strange and beautiful, imperfectly perfect love.
As of yet, I have only ever seen it in movies. But I believe it exists here too.
It's all I want out of life. I don't want money or a great job or a big house or a plan. I don't even want kids.
I just want to love and be loved back. To be in love.
It's strange. Sometimes I feel like I already am. I feel lovesick. I miss something I never had. I remember moments that never occurred. Until I find it for myself, it seems it will continue to exist only in my mind.
A brief post, because although midnight isn't late, it is when you have to get up at seven for work on a Saturday.
I'm just sitting here, listening to pieces of classical music and film scores and just thinking about how beautiful music/emotion can be. These pieces are all on my iPod anyway, but if in the future I think back and wonder what particular pieces I listened too, I'll have it here.
The Ice Dance - Danny Elfman, Edward Scissorhands
One Last Wish - James Horner, Casper
Cast Away - Alan Silvestri, Cast Away
The Crisis - Ennio Morricone, The Legend of 1900, Seven Pounds
Tennessee - Hans Zimmer, Pearl Harbour
Any Other Name - Thomas Newman, American Beauty
Nuvole Bianche - Ludovico Einaudi
Time - Hans Zimmer, Inception
Moonlight Sonata - Beethoven
Sentimental - Mike Simpson, Stick it
Beautiful New World, Home Sweet Home - Danny Elfman, Edward Scissorhands
Clair De Lune - Claude Debussy
Deliver Hope - Halo Reach Soundtrack
It's a sentimental post tonight, but I'm a sentimental person. And I love movies.
(Also for the record of the night's events, I watched Romeo + Juliet again earlier on. And it got me so bad tonight. I mean, I always cry at the ending, but I was practically sobbing for five minutes and then repeating the best lines of verse)
'Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight!
For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night'
Hello again.
Another day, another drop in temperature, and this new month has brought with it an especially chilly day. December, December. Fortunately, its my day off from uni today, so I've spent most of it indoors away from this unsurprising Winter weather. What did come as a surprise, however, was my bank balance when I signed into online banking this morning. Seems that all my Christmas shopping/outfit buying/my general unawareness when spending has finally caught up with me this month. Its been pretty bad before, but I actually went into the dreaded overdraft this time. Eeeeek.
Before you get an idea in your head that I'm really money orientated, from this post of my lack of money, and mentioning of buying clothes and getting a haircut, I think its safe to say that I'm anything but materialistic. To some, I guess that's hypocritical, because I do love fashion. But I like it as I like paintings, or photography, or any other art form. A strange and beautiful piece of clothing on a strange and beautiful person is art. So the clothes that I most recently bought were for Christmas and New Year, and the haircut was my first in about five months (it was well needed, too) People can get too fixed on money sometimes. My dream job isn't one that earns me the most money, its the one that makes me happiest. My dream car is a Nissan Figaro (which I will own at some point in my life) and I would choose love over money, always. Hopeless romantic la. There'll be more posts on that in future, I'm sure
I don't actually have a particular plan for a job, in all honesty. All I know is that I want/need/long to work in the film industry, and for me, that's enough for now. I'd like to go travelling first anyway, anywhere and everywhere I can. I've already started saving a bit, its not much now, but I'll get there. I'm not planning on going until I finish university anyway, so I've got until then to save mucho dinero.
I actually received the third of my first three essays back yesterday. I confess to being pleasantly surprised by all three. The third was the lowest of the three; it was graded as a 62, while the others had been a 66 and a 68, but all three are equivalent to a 2:1 grade, and that's a start more promising than I could have ever hope for. Hopefully I can make up for my first year through my second and third. I always seem to start terms with good marks, but fingers crossed that I can keep them up.
I could call my haircut part of this new start, but in all honesty its more that I was bored of my hair. And it was in need of a very good cut. I got a fringe cut in, and I have to say I'm actually really pleased with it. My hair has always been one of my least favourite parts of myself, next to my legs and lack of confidence, so its always nice when I actually don't mind it for a change. I've even gone and painted my nails for this momentous occasion, with a really horribly named nail polish, but the colour's pretty cool.
Anyway, I'm going to depart now. I'm currently listening to Wolfmother and writing here when I should really be doing the reading for my next lecture. Which in all fairness is another way of saying that I'm going to go and procrastinate some more.
