A Kiss, A Feeling, A Love

I'm supposed to be writing an essay right now, but my mind's a world away. I'm listening to some of my favourite songs on my iPod, film scores and all, and imagining, thinking more about the story/stories I'm writing. But then also thinking about love. Thinking about this Christmas and how last year I hoped that when this time came, I would have someone to spend it with. Thinking about how right now, there are few things I'd want more than a kiss at New Year. But one with love.

That's the thing. As much as I would like a boyfriend, as much as I crave have someone to share my life with,  someone to love, that's just it. I want someone who I really love, and who really loves me back. I'm willing to wait for that. It's so easy to get caught up in the idea of someone or something, imagining things that aren't really there. I want to find that passionate, all-consuming, horrible, messy, strange and beautiful, imperfectly perfect love.

As of yet, I have only ever seen it in movies. But I believe it exists here too. 

It's all I want out of life. I don't want money or a great job or a big house or a plan. I don't even want kids. 
I just want to love and be loved back. To be in love. 

It's strange. Sometimes I feel like I already am. I feel lovesick. I miss something I never had. I remember moments that never occurred. Until I find it for myself, it seems it will continue to exist only in my mind.